Pov Aashi Dixit

"Aashi, Aashi ,AASHI , where are you lost girl ? I have been calling you since 5 minutes are you even listening " my friend riddhi said..

I looked at her and the only thing that escaped my mouth was a inaudible sigh

She looked at me no... Not with pity, not with sympathy but like ... she understands, really knows what's happening and it somehow scares me, because, I also don't know what's happening with me ....

She smiled, again although a little dim but yeah enough to tell me that everything is alright .... Absurd though because even I don't know if it is ..

" You know what, my dear lovely aashi the thing is that we study in a spiritual college so, even with a thousand rules we also have a temple .Let's go, there and sit for that meditation period ,that we always skip anyways I need it right now" she said looking at me with her toothy smile

My voice came out nothing like that strong and confident voice I remember hearing " We both know who needs it right now ,more, and please I am tired ridhi let's just go to the dormitory, Ok "

Her smile faded not totally but enough, to make me feel guilty again " We both need it please baby let's go after that we also have to go to mess together you remember it right"

" Oh mess right " I looked at her and tried to remember, the last time I ate maybe 24 hours back or more I don't even remember .Nowadays eating also feels like a chore..

" Ok let's go but I am not hungry so no mess ,Ok " I tried to smile saying that but my voice came smaller than I intended ..

"We will see" she said ..

After a silent walk that I didn't even realised we reached the temple .

The only pure and peaceful place, in this campus a large temple covered with an even larger sized sitting place for meditation I walked inside the temple not remembering the last time I came here.

"Let's go inside " she insisted gently

I bowed my head and entered the temple only to find my batchmate there "Komal" a silent , spiritual and no nonsense girl she looked at me or so as I thought, I gently took my place at the side so that I stay away from the prying gazes of all the people here....

" Beta, come here and do the aarti " a voice rang out kind, mature and filled with wisdom only earned after an lifetime of experience...

I looked at pandit ji and hesistantly shook my head " It's ok, pandit ji I am good"

But his eyes stayed on me kind and convincing " Maybe, this is where you start looking for peace"

Slowly I moved towards tha aarti plate looked towards the shivling and started doing the aarti, not bothering to think how he even knows .

The chanting grew louder, but my mind couldn't precieve all this my attention stayed on the shivling, I started the aarti slow with shaking hands and closed my eyes leaning myself into the atmosphere .... Slowly I open my eyes when the chanting stopped and looked back to see everyone watching me . Komal came to me "Don't cry, everything will be alright, good to see you here " and went away

I didn't realised when I started crying but till the time I would have processed this ridhi came towards me slowly "Come let's go and find a spot to sit , Ok"

I just hummed, absent-mindedly and we took our aasanas ( small carpets to sit on during meditations ) and sat on the side

I closed my eyes and just in time the slow hum of rythmic music reached my ear . I closed my eyes, and as if a switch turned on, I started crying not understanding what is happening to me sobbing and shaking trying to control my emotions from all the eyes that I know are on me right now, I couldn't grasp anything neither the, voice of all the birds chirping neither of guard uncle shouting on people who are moving nor of riddhi saying something to someone or me I don't know ... Just my own sobbing and crying and the music, slowly I control myself when someone offers me water but then also I don't open my eyes just refuse politely ...

Slowly, I opened my eyes after meditation and I saw riddhi with a expression of determination and care I have seen thousand of times and see her looking towards, something or more specifically someone, but before I could see that person, I hear her voice filled with hope and determination.....

" I want you to talk to someone "

That's it for today guys if you loved this starting please show some love

Lob you ❤️